You’re Killing Me!

I decided that the letter to Hershey Co. and their response regarding Kit Kat bars was alot of fun, and I thought I’d try it with another company.  I wrote Camel cigarettes the following e-mail, and will post their response as soon as it becomes available.  Enjoy!

Dear Camel-
I am not a smoker, but thought that I would inform you that your products are slowly but severly affecting my life in a negative way. I am an asthmatic, and whether I want to or not, I have to confront death on a daily basis due to the toxic fumes produced by your products.  In a nutshell, every time I breathe in smoke, my lungs cease to function.  This is bad, because I need to breathe to continue living.  I am curious to know if there is some sort of compensation or solution that you could present to me to prolong my life, or improve the quality thereof.  If there is not, is there one in the making?  I look forward to your helpful response.  Thank you for your concern regarding my well being and longevity of life, and for your efforts to not kill me.  May your day be bright, and your lungs free from smoke.
-Nate

1 comment.

Break Me Off A Piece Of That…

Last week I acquired a large quantity of Kit Kat bars. They are SO delicious! Ironically, in the same week, I had a dentist appointment. The results of the appointment (or eating the Kit Kat bars) were two cavities. I was most definitely not the one to blame for the holes in my teeth. Logically it was Hershey’s fault! Everyone knows that sweets kill teeth. I proceeded to write the following e-mail to the wonderful people at Hershey’s.

Dear Kit Kat,
I love your candy bars! I love them so much, in fact, that they have caused me multiple cavities. I brush, oh yes, but I think I eat way too many Kit Kats to prevent cavities with the sole act of brushing. I would love to keep eating Kit Kats, however, when I average out the cost of each Kit Kat (factoring in Dentist Appointments), I am spending well over $6 per candy bar. If you are willing to compensate me for the cost of my visits to the dentist office, I can and WILL continue to support your product. Please realize that this will be a worthwhile investment, because I plan on living till AT LEAST the age of 100, and don’t plan on having teeth after age 80. At one Kit Kat per day, you will make a substantial profit from your investment.
Regards,
Nate

I have been awaiting the response for the last few days. I received it today… I hope you all enjoy it.

Thank you for contacting The Hershey Company.

A great deal of care is used in our manufacturing and packing processes to make sure that consumers receive quality products. In 1978, a research team at MIT and the Forsyth Dental Center at Boston found the cavity-inducing potential of sugar, when combined with chocolate under experimental conditions, was greatly reduced. In these studies, researchers isolated a heat-resistant, water soluble component from the chocolate. Subsequently, this component was found to block the activity of an enzyme that promotes the development of tooth decay. Scientists also recognize that the cocoa butter present in milk chocolate helps in clearing foods quickly from the mouth. The information you provided was reported to our Quality Assurance Department.

We appreciate your loyalty as a customer.

I have decided that instead of brushing my teeth, I will just eat a Kit Kat bar in the morning and evening and rub cocoa butter on my teeth after lunch. That ought to do take care of those nasty cavities to come! This just goes to show that in all reality, life is a joke!

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Meiko

Over the past week, I have been introduced to my new favorite musician. I think I really might be in love. Meiko has a great folksy voice that is so soothing, pure and fulfilling that… well, I had no idea that I hadn’t been breathing for so long. She has a very similar sound to Tristan Prettyman. I put the two of them into a playlist on my computer with Regina Spektor. Life just doesn’t get much better than that. I think if I had ever met Meiko, I would be in love with her (not just her music). At any rate, be sure to check out her myspace page to get a good listen to her music. It seems that her website is still under construction.

2 comments.

Dwight Schrute Wallpaper

Well, I’m working on yet another “The Office” wallpaper. This one is of Dwight. I am kind of stuck when it comes to what should go in the backdrop behind him though. I thought it would be cool to get a picture of Pam (Jenna Fischer) behind him at her desk, or looking over her shoulder with the “suspicious smile.” I also think I should add some color. What do you think? Any ideas?

Click on image for larger view.

To view the original (and quite popular, might I add) “The Office” wallpaper, click .

1 comment.