A Phase

I’m having one of those moments where I have to just get a bunch of stuff off my chest.  I have a lot on my mind and writing it down is the best way for me to get it all out.  Lately, I am going through one of those wierd phases where I feel like I have to do something and I don’t know why.  There’s not really a logical reason to back it up… I just feel like i have to do it.  It doesn’t matter how much I try to convince myself how stupid it is or how many ways I try to justify avoiding the decision, the feeling just keeps coming back.  On top of the distress I’ve been feeling regarding this matter, I have the stresses of finals, group projects, a church calling, friends who need me (and the worst part) friends that I need but don’t really seem to be there for me.  That was a generalized statement, not meant for the majority of my faithfuls… but for some reason those that I want to be there for me most just don’t seem to be.  I am very familiar with the rollercoaster effect.  When life gets really really good (high), you can expect a big drop fairly soon.  It seems to me that the drop is arriving.  It’s not very exciting looking over the edge either.  I am reminded of the movie “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” (correct me if I’m wrong on this one) where Indiana has to take the leap of faith and step out onto thin air to find a pathway over a bottomless pit.  I just have no clue if I will be as fortunate as he, and have a solid stepping stone resting beneath me after I jump out… I hate this feeling…

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