Dear Applebee’s,

Last weekend, my girlfriend and I along with 2 of my roommates and one of their fiancés went to the Orem, Utah Applebee’s for dinner. I was hesitant to attend because my last trip to Applebee’s almost made me throw up, but I leaned towards forgiveness and went anyway. Big mistake.

I’ll admit, our service wasn’t terrible.  I have, however, had better. My real complaint, as with the last time I visited your place of purveyance, is more based on the quality of food. My roommates both ordered a 3 Course Classic, and I ordered the Zesty Ranch Chicken Sandwich.

My sandwich arrived after a long wait. It was lukewarm and had a look that screamed, “I was microwaved!” I lifted the bun to look for the ‘zesty ranch’ or ‘buffalo sauce’ that so enticingly described the dish on the menu, but it was to no avail. There wasn’t enough ranch on that sandwich to dip a baby carrot into, let alone spice up a dry, microwaved, processed chicken sandwich.

As I muscled my sandwich down with the hope that my stomach wouldn’t hit the ‘reject button’ and make me re-eat it in reverse fashion later that evening, my roommates forced their way through their sub-par meals.

The only hope of the evening was the dessert that might some how cover up the lingering aftertaste of twice precooked chicken.  You can only imagine our dissatisfaction when the key lime pie ended up with the savory taste and texture of a giant, steamy turd.  Don’t ask me how I know what a turd tastes like… I’ve never eaten poop.  But, if I had, I would put money on the fact that it tasted better than the key lime pie.

As we waited for our checks, the manager walked past our crammed booth to the table next to us.  He began to talk about the local semi-pro baseball team.  He asked if anyone at the table was a fan, because he had some free tickets to give away to an upcoming game.  Half of the guests at the table were too drunk to answer.  The other half politely declined so that they could continue on with their dinner and friendly banter.

All of the members of our table, however, quickly became excited at the prospect of getting free tickets to see our local team play.  The manager, however, awkwardly squeezed back past our table, avoiding eye contact and offered the tickets to other nearby tables while ignoring our hopeful gaze.  We paid for our meals and as we walked out of the building, we saw the manager still trying to pawn off the tickets to tables on the exact opposite of the restaurant than where we had been (he had obviously been rejected by over half the restaurant by this time).  If only he could find someone who wanted those tickets!

Overall, I was incredibly disappointed with our experience. How you continue in business while providing vomit-inducing food, sub-par service and complete indifference to your clients is beyond me.  I hope something will be done to improve things at your restaurant for your future customers’ sake.