I missed my bedtime last night which resulted in the missing of my gym appointment. To keep the spirit of fitness alive, I decided to attend the gym this evening before I hit the sack.

Now, it’s been a long time since I’ve been to the gym in the PM.  I’m used to sharing my workout space with a couple dozen groggy, oblivious regulars with bedhead.  We all know each other and respect each others space, though we rarely talk to each other.  The early morning workout crew is like an exclusive club with really bad breath.

The night time gym goers, now they are a different breed.  I spent 40 minutes on the bike watching a what appeared to be a fashion parade of sorts. Large 6′ 3″ guys with orange skin were fighting to prove who would win the smallest shirt of the day award, while the ladies with teeth that could be used as signal flares for people lost in the wilderness flaunted their goodies for all the overgrown Oompa-Loompas to see.  None of these people were there for their own personal benefit, they were there to stare at their own glutes and contemplate how to strike up a conversation about deltoids with that special someone across the room.

I can see it now.

Dude: “Hey, so… do you work out?”

Girl: “Um, like, yeah.”

Dude: “Tsh, yeah. I could tell. Your triceps are super toned and tan. Triceps are my favorite muscle.”

Girl: “I’m glad you like mine. Wanna go tanning with me?”

Dude: “I can’t. I have an appointment to frost my tips today. Let’s set something up for tomorrow. I’ll be wearing my super tight cutoff t-shirt with matching headband. Watch for me.”

Girl: “Like, for sure and stuff.”

I think I threw up in my mouth at least 3 times watching crap like this. People with no substance disgust me… especially orange ones who text while they work out.