This morning I woke up with a hankering to write something funny for you… but mostly for me. I didn’t particularly know where to start until I logged onto this website to find two comments awaiting my moderation. One comment was, of course, spam. The other, however, was a comment so inane that I had to share it with you all, followed by a good roasting.
Nearly two years ago, I had a mishap with the BYU honor code office. Let me preface this by saying that I am not, I have never been, nor will I ever be a BYU student. I did, however, used to dance on their swing team. When I showed up for the performance, the girl at the door smirked at me and wouldn’t admit me until I shaved my scruff… with a Bic razor, and what might as well have been a bucket of cold water and whipped cream. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant experience. You can read the entire recounting of the story here.
Anyway, that was a long lead in to the comment that I found on the blog post this morning, almost two years after writing it. Tim, a first time commenter on The Big Bags was nice enough to leave me the following message:
Awwwww…….. you had to follow the rules. Bummer for you. Of course, you always had the option of not going, but that would be too much for you. Next time I come into YOUR house, you won’t mind if I smoke, fart, vomit, etc. all over the place, or do you have ridiculous rules against those things? Whiner.
I love, love, LOVE how little Timmy relates me showing up to a dance with a few days of facial hair growth to him showing up at my home and smoking, farting and vomiting all over the place. I mean, I can see the connection… oh wait, no I can’t.
Also,Tim is like Hitler and likes to kill babies and puppies on the weekends. I’ll bet he also watches Glenn Beck and proudly works for the BYU honor code office. If Jesus was on campus, he probably would have made him shave too.
It’s incidents like this that make me want to crawl through the intertubes and surprise these ignorant, close-minded commenters with a punch in the throat through their computer monitor.
Yeah, I’m spiteful. Sue me.
Also, on an unrelated note, here’s a link to my most recent dating advice column.
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