Another Cheerful Edition of “I’d Rather…”

I woke up to more snow this morning. I hate snow. I hear the saying “when Hell freezes over” used in jest to say something will never happen. This, to me, is very confusing as I believe that Hell absolutely MUST be some sort of arctic tundra that never breaks the temperature of freezing. If it’s not, and by some crazy stroke of fate it turns out to be some sort of fire and brimstone desert-like location as has been predicted, and heaven is the cold place… well… you can probably place a pretty safe bet as to where I’d prefer to be.

The following is a list of things that I would rather do than wake up to see yet another gray, gloomy sky with frozen bits of hydrogen dioxide falling from the sky:

• I’d rather glue my butt cheeks together.
• I’d rather go to hair school.
• I’d rather serve another mission.
• I’d rather get hassled about my relationship status by my entire extended family.
• I’d rather lick a cactus.
• I’d rather eat lima beans. Ew. *Bleh!*
• I’d rather roll around in a large vat of honey and then run through a bear cage.

And there we have it. You officially have an idea of how much I loathe the snow… especially at this time of year. I loathe it with my very core. It makes my toes curl just thinking about it.

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I’d Rather… Part II In An Endless Series of Parts

This weekend I will be driving to California for spring break. Quite a few of my friends are going to be along for the ride. As much as I love California and spring break, there is one thing that I downright loathe when it comes to trips like this. I absolutely HATE riding in a small car crammed with full grown adults and their baggage.

It’s nigh impossible for me to think of something that I would rather not do than cram myself into the back middle seat of a Ford Focus for 12 hours without leg-room, with Sleepy-Druleface-McGee on my right, and I-Just-Had-To-Eat-Chili-Last-Night Sanders on my left.

So now I present to you a list of things that I would rather do than drive to California in a small consumer car crowded with five people… and their bags:

• I’d rather get my back waxed.
• I’d rather have an asthma attack.
• I’d rather sit on a sharp rock.
• I’d rather listen to the Happy Working Song from Enchanted… TWICE!
• I’d rather hang out with Gary Coleman.
• I’d rather wrestle a bear… a big bear.
• I’d rather walk to California.

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“I’d Rather…” An Introduction To A New World Of Possiblities

Lately I’ve been coming up with ideas for blog post themes that can I can write about over and over with the potential to be endlessly entertaining. From the Video of the Week to the new Daily March Mustache, the hours of enjoyment that I find searching out, and writing these posts just can’t be explained. My latest and greatest idea for a theme of a number of upcoming blog posts is called I’d Rather…. This series of wonderfulness will feature all of the things that I would prefer to do over other, much less appealing things. The following paragraphs will explain well enough.

So, without further ado, I present to you the first I’d Rather… post in TheBigBags history!

Things I’d Rather Do Than Have Hillary Clinton As President

• I’d rather have a 3 hour prostate exam.
• I’d rather tweeze my nose-hairs.
• I’d rather be Zsa Zsa Gabor’s 10th husband.
• I’d rather smack myself in the head with a hammer… with the side that removes the nails. (Thanks Nate)
• I’d rather cross the continent on foot with a bad case of ‘Monkey Butt.’
• I’d rather have a sleepover with both Richard Simmons and Michael Jackson on consecutive nights.
• I’d rather eat myself alive.
• I’d rather watch Charlie the Unicorn on repeat for a week.
• I’d rather be a MySpace-er.
• Last, but not least, I’d rather have Bill back!

There! I hope you enjoyed it. The first installment of “I’d rather…” Please feel free to add to the list in the comments!

After all, isn’t this the face you want leading our country through some of the toughest economical, turmoil laden, internationally torn, internally divided times in history? I sure think so!

(I guess you can start scheduling my prostate exam…)

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