All posts in I’d Rather…

It’s been a while since I’ve done an “I’d Rather” post. I figure now is as good a time as any, especially since I have a fun topic.

Here is a list of things that I would rather peel the dead skin off of, other than my back or face:

• I’d rather peel the dead skin off of a cantaloupe. Now, you are probably thinking that this is not a significant “I’d Rather” statement. However, you did not stop to take into consideration the fact that I am allergic to melons (the plant kind). Now it makes more sense, doesn’t it?
• I’d rather peel the dead skin off of a hobo… regardless of their commonly poor personal hygiene.
• I’d rather peel the skin off of a zombie. I mean, come on, their skin is already falling off anyway, right?
• I’d rather peel the skin off of the Mid to Late 1981 Japanese promo lp by ABBA entitled ‘Slipping Through My Fingers,’ despite it’s unusual collectibility and resale value. (Do people really listen to ABBA?)
• I’d rather peel the skin off of your feet. Ew.
• I’d rather peel the skin off of the wretched chicken sandwich I got from Crapplebee’s a few weeks ago… as long as I had gloves on.

Feel free to add anything you’d like to peel the skin off of to this list in the comments.

On a side note, Applebee’s called back today. They left me a voicemail. I will be calling them back tomorrow. You can expect a full and detailed report of my findings. Who knows, maybe they’ll give me free Key Lime Pie Poop!

Stupidity is going to yoga to make your body feel better, then leaving yoga and eating a double cheesburger with fries and a Dr. Pepper.

I still feel like throwing up.

I woke up to more snow this morning. I hate snow. I hear the saying “when Hell freezes over” used in jest to say something will never happen. This, to me, is very confusing as I believe that Hell absolutely MUST be some sort of arctic tundra that never breaks the temperature of freezing. If it’s not, and by some crazy stroke of fate it turns out to be some sort of fire and brimstone desert-like location as has been predicted, and heaven is the cold place… well… you can probably place a pretty safe bet as to where I’d prefer to be.

The following is a list of things that I would rather do than wake up to see yet another gray, gloomy sky with frozen bits of hydrogen dioxide falling from the sky:

• I’d rather glue my butt cheeks together.
• I’d rather go to hair school.
• I’d rather serve another mission.
• I’d rather get hassled about my relationship status by my entire extended family.
• I’d rather lick a cactus.
• I’d rather eat lima beans. Ew. *Bleh!*
• I’d rather roll around in a large vat of honey and then run through a bear cage.

And there we have it. You officially have an idea of how much I loathe the snow… especially at this time of year. I loathe it with my very core. It makes my toes curl just thinking about it.