Twilight - The Saga Begins

It’s official. I’m making it public. Yesterday I started reading Twilight. I know that upon this announcement, many of you may be questioning my sexual orientation or wondering what sort of bet I lost to be subjected to such a task, but I assure you I am straight as straight can be, and I lost no bet. Honestly, I’m just intrigued… and I’m a sucker for a good book.

This last week, my friend Kat Tingey showed me a song that she had just finished writing and recording with help from Ryan Shupe and Ryan Tilby from Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band. The song is titled ‘Undone,’ and it is, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard in a long time. Not only is the melody absolutely chilling and incredibly moving, but the lyrics and the message of the song demonstrate the characteristics of a very experienced musician.

The song itself is inspired by the relationship between Edward and Bella, a relationship I’m not familiar with at this point… which is partly why I am now bent on reading this book. Call me a pansy, a sissy or a guy who is very secure with his masculinity, but I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! Plus, maybe I’ll pick up some sweet pointers on how to woo a special girl… or kill a vampire.

For the dudes out there, I’ll be sure to write a book report when I’m finished to let you know if reading this book has made me more of a man… or less of a man who gets more love from the ladies. Either one works for me.

Here’s a copy of the song that stirred my insides enough to make me read a chick book:

Undone

You can check out Kat’s Myspace page here. You can also find her music on Facebook, PureVolume, TheSixtyOne and iTunes.

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Letters To Companies I Hate - Day 2

Ok, so I quickly realized that with the pressures of work, a developing romantic interest and work, writing one embittered and resentful letter per day is highly a unrealistic expectation. I will, however, do my best to keep up with the demand. Please don’t hate me if you don’t get 30 letters this month.

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Dear FLDS (Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saints, or as I like to say, the Fake Latter-Day Saints) Church,

I can’t help but notice your ever growing popularity with the media over the recent weeks. All of this hoopla about polygamist raids and cousins marrying cousins and whatnot… it’s really starting to piss me off.

Ironically, the reasons spawning my irritation are not likely to be the same as the majority of those other critics who refer to you a mentally unsound, and grossly morally backwards institution. The fact of the matter is that I already knew you were mentally unsound and morally backwards. I knew that polygamy was still being practiced in some little sick and twisted po-dunk community out there. I also knew that one day the shit would hit the fan, someone would expose you… and that’s when the mud flinging would begin.

Well, that day is today, and now the negative publicity for your church is inevitably resulting in negative publicity for mine.

The world is disgusted by the “Fundamentalist Mormons”. I hear it over and over every day. “Fundamentalist Mormons, Fundamentalist Mormons, Fundamentalist Mormons!” Did the creators of your church eat stupid pills the day they were to decide on a name? Seriously, I can see it now… *wavy flashback effect*…

“Hey, since our church stopped allowing men to marry as many women as we want, why don’t we just leave and start our own church where we can do whatever we want?”

“You’re a genius! Let’s do it! But we’ll need a name. What should we call ourselves?”

“Hmmmm, well, we want it to sound fun so people will join… and we want it to sound smart so people will think we’re smart… HEY! How bout the Fun-da-mentalist Mormons!”

“I like it! It’s original, unique and not at all similar to any other religion we may have belonged to in the past and would never want to be associated with in the future.”

Seriously, you just don’t get more screwed up than that. We don’t want anything to do with the Blue Team anymore, so we are forming our own team! It’s called the Fundamentalist Blue Team… nobody will suspect a thing. Argh! (Grunt of frustration.)

I guess more than anything, I just hate it when someone realizes that their ship is sinking fast so they look around and pull anyone they can get their hands on down with them. Millions of wholesome, good standing Mormons the world over now have a need to defend their beliefs to the skeptic and the unfamiliar because of your inane inability to think sensibly.

Do us all a favor and get your own freaking original name and learn take responsibility for your own actions.

-Bags

A note to the rest of the world: Mormons don’t practice polygamy. Fundamentalist Mormons are not Mormons any more than Tom Cruise is one… but they are just as crazy.

2 comments.

I Need Your Help!

Ok, so for the past few weeks I’ve been driving myself nuts trying to decide on the next month’s theme for my blog. I love having something to write about every day, especially if it makes someone laugh. To help me make a decision, I’m soliciting your help! Please cast your vote so I can start writing again.

My Friend Bob

My cousin, Garrett Smith (of Garrett Smith Productions) is the only real friend I’ve had since childhood that isn’t part of my immediate family. We’ve gone on vacations together, played sports together, suffered through scout camps together, and our mothers even used to bathe us together. If that’s not bonding, I don’t know what is.

Recently, Garrett invited me over to check out his new ‘crib’. His old place was in a more run down part of Salt Lake, and he and his wife felt that it was about time to upgrade to a more accommodating living situation.

Upon entering their home, I realized that the smell alone trumped their old place completely. They had a kitchen that was bigger than a closet, a beautiful family room and even a studio upstairs for their photography business.

After making it through the tour, they rewarded me for my patience, and let me play with their frogs, Yoshi and Bob. As I sat admiring all that the frogs were capable of (changing color, jumping, sticking to walls and everything else) they explained to me that Yoshi was the smart frog and Bob was the dumb one. This was evidenced as we placed the two frogs into a container full of crickets. Yoshi promptly jumped at a cricket, consumed it and climbed out of the container. Bob, on the other hand, jumped at a cricket and smashed his head into the wall. Apparently he has a flat nose as a result of his tendency to do this. It took Bob about 3 times as long to eat a cricket as it did Yoshi. We then had to help Bob out of the container full of crickets, cause apparently he doesn’t know which way is up.

After taking him out of the container, who did he jump to? Yup! You guessed it! I scampered right over to me… or my crotch rather. Apparently like really does attract like.

Here are some pictures Garrett took of Bob molesting me.

Not only does Garrett take pictures of crazy tree frogs molesting his cousin, but he takes some of the most beautiful pictures I’ve ever seen. He has a style that and talent that you just won’t don’t get from your best friend’s digital camera. The best way to explain is by just checking out his work.

I asked him to send me a few of his favorite pictures, many of which are my favorites of his work as well. Here they are! (Click on them to see a larger view.)

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I love the ‘frozen in time’ effect of this picture.

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Below is a couple standing in front of a totally awesome tree.

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Below is a more stylized shot of a bride and groom.

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The last bridal shot, here, is by far my favorite. It gives me warm fuzzies just looking at it.

If you have interest in using Garrett’s mad photography skills for a wedding, a reception, a sporting event, a family photo, school pictures or any other event you can contact him at (801)706-4339 or (801)809-7714. Check out his website to see more samples of his work. Let him know I sent you, and he’ll probably give you a great discount off of his already awesome prices.

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Advertising That Gives Me Chills

I love advertising. Let me rephrase. I love GOOD advertising. I saw this ad a few minutes ago on the Discovery Channel while watching Cash Cab. I couldn’t help but hunt it down and throw it up on my blog before The Office came on. Enjoy!

“Boom-dee-adda, boom-dee-adda, boom-dee-adda…”

2 comments.

The Pressure Is Getting To Me

Sunday, it was nearly 80 degrees. Eighty degrees makes a happy Bags.

Yesterday I grumbled about the snow. It’s not supposed to snow in the middle of April.

This morning, I woke up to 32 degree weather. I did so begrudgingly. Upon arriving to campus, however, I was overcome with the scent of freshly cut grass.

My brain is going to explode if I don’t get some seasonal stability here soon.

Also, you can expect my blog posts to suck for the next few days, as finals are approaching and my ability to think creatively is being squished by a plethora of pressing deadlines, bowel irregularities and yoga classes.

6 comments.

You’ll Play It Twice… Guaranteed

I couldn’t believe it the first time I saw it either….

4 comments.

Sebastian Sasturain - El Rey De Los Boludos

For those of you who don’t speak Spanish, you can read about what I’m ranting about here. (The long and short of it is that some dude, aka. Sebastian Sasturain, in Argentina stole the template, files and content from one of my buddies. We are getting him back.)

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Ay! Sebastian Sasturain, eres tan boludo! A lo major, algun día buscarás por el internet tu propio nombre con la esperanza que encontrarás algo bien buena.Por cualquiera persona que no sepa de lo que estoy hablando. Le pillamos al Sebastian Sasturain en el hecho de robar el código de web de un amigo. Sebastian Sasturain, el ‘programador y deseñador’ es un fracaso y un boludo lleno de crema de otros boludos.

Se puede encontrar unos ejemplos aqui.

Aquí esta una imagen del sítio de Justin Hileman. Y como un milagro, el sítio de Sebastian Sasturain se ve exactamente igual. Aun el imagen de Justin que está en el espacio designado por ‘contacto’ es igual. Tal vez son jimelos, seperados durante nacimiento. O tál vez Sr. Sebastian Sasturain es un ladron.

Espero que si hay alguna persona que está buscando a un programador, y está considerando Sebastian Sasturain por el trabajo, que este les abre los ojos a un hombre que, a lo mejor, no trabajara por su dinero, pero roba.

Ché, Seba… cresca unos cojones y haz to propio trabajo.

4 comments.

Real Life

I just watched Dan In Real Life. If you haven’t seen this movie, well… you just need to see this movie.

No thanks to my parents, I’m a fairly sentimental guy. Most times I’m able to mask it well by telling a joke, or pretending I’m manly or something. But this movie… well, it made my heart explode into a million pieces, glued it back together haphazardly and then made it explode again, but in the good way. I love movies that make me think. More than that, I love the movies that make me hope.

Life is full of surprises and mysteries and disappointments and miracles. It’s a whirlwind of wonder and magisty mixed with failures and confusion. It’s full of friends and family and inside jokes laced with death and war and homework. Perhaps, what is most interesting about “real life” is that you never know what kind of hand you will be dealt, or when that hand full of seemingly worthless cards will suddenly turn into a winning one.

I love the quote at the end of the movie, “Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.” As important as it is to have a plan, a goal or a destination in mind, what is exceedingly more important is the people we meet along the way, how they touch our lives and how we touch theirs. The detours that derail our planned journey are often the paths that lead us to the beautiful lookouts. These gorgeous vistas that we are graced with along this seemingly long and bumpy road are the people we truly love to the very core. They are the people who are placed in our lives again and again. They are the ones who know who we truly are. They have seen us during our highs and our lows, and somehow, regardless of the fact that they know exactly who we are, they don’t go away.

It’s these people that make life worth living. It’s these people that make the journey a little more beautiful, the ride a little less long and bumpy, and the the surprises… well, worth it. Real life rocks.

My Love… for you…

4 comments.

Mustache of the Day - Day 16

I chose to feature Freddy Mercury’s mustache today to emphasize a point and possibly teach a very valuable lesson.

I’m fairly certain that there have been dozens of artists and bands over the years who have attempted to cover the music created by the legendary band, Queen. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I am aware that one such instance occurred this evening on American Idol. People! Seriously, when will you learn that Queen is not meant to be covered. Nobody, until the end of the world will ever EVER be able to sing like Freddie Mercury, better than Freddie Mercury or even in the same ballpark as Freddie Mercury. What it all boils down to is that that queen could sing… and you ain’t that queen. So please, PLEASE just do us all a favor and quit trying. All you’ll end up doing is annoying one half of us, and pissing off the other half.

Let Freddie rest in peace as the king of Queen without attempting to dethrone him.

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