Best Fortune Cookie Ever!

I love PF Changs…

Do you even have to ask why?

3 comments.

Twilight - The Saga Begins

It’s official. I’m making it public. Yesterday I started reading Twilight. I know that upon this announcement, many of you may be questioning my sexual orientation or wondering what sort of bet I lost to be subjected to such a task, but I assure you I am straight as straight can be, and I lost no bet. Honestly, I’m just intrigued… and I’m a sucker for a good book.

This last week, my friend Kat Tingey showed me a song that she had just finished writing and recording with help from Ryan Shupe and Ryan Tilby from Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band. The song is titled ‘Undone,’ and it is, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard in a long time. Not only is the melody absolutely chilling and incredibly moving, but the lyrics and the message of the song demonstrate the characteristics of a very experienced musician.

The song itself is inspired by the relationship between Edward and Bella, a relationship I’m not familiar with at this point… which is partly why I am now bent on reading this book. Call me a pansy, a sissy or a guy who is very secure with his masculinity, but I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! Plus, maybe I’ll pick up some sweet pointers on how to woo a special girl… or kill a vampire.

For the dudes out there, I’ll be sure to write a book report when I’m finished to let you know if reading this book has made me more of a man… or less of a man who gets more love from the ladies. Either one works for me.

Here’s a copy of the song that stirred my insides enough to make me read a chick book:

Undone

You can check out Kat’s Myspace page here. You can also find her music on Facebook, PureVolume, TheSixtyOne and iTunes.

4 comments.

Letters To Companies I Hate - Day 3

Dear NBA Color Commentators,

Every night you sit there around a table with your old NBA buddies all dressed up in your pastel shirts and high fashion suits and ties that make it look like one of the gays from project runway got you in his clutches before the show. Your job? You reinvent the wheel.

I am curious. Do you ever just sit and listen to the words that come out of your mouth? I’m sure that you do, and that is what is so surprising to me. I mean, honestly, how may ways can you answer the question, “What do the (your favorite team here) need to do to win it?” Let me give you a hint that might save you some air and probably your 3 remaining brain cells. To win any game, all a team needs to do is score more points than the other team! That’s it. End of story.

And this is how you make a living!

I’m amazed at how many people make their living off of speaking when they have nothing important, or even logically coherent to say. Do us all a favor. Cork it and just let us watch the game!

-Bags

4 comments.

My Friend Bob

My cousin, Garrett Smith (of Garrett Smith Productions) is the only real friend I’ve had since childhood that isn’t part of my immediate family. We’ve gone on vacations together, played sports together, suffered through scout camps together, and our mothers even used to bathe us together. If that’s not bonding, I don’t know what is.

Recently, Garrett invited me over to check out his new ‘crib’. His old place was in a more run down part of Salt Lake, and he and his wife felt that it was about time to upgrade to a more accommodating living situation.

Upon entering their home, I realized that the smell alone trumped their old place completely. They had a kitchen that was bigger than a closet, a beautiful family room and even a studio upstairs for their photography business.

After making it through the tour, they rewarded me for my patience, and let me play with their frogs, Yoshi and Bob. As I sat admiring all that the frogs were capable of (changing color, jumping, sticking to walls and everything else) they explained to me that Yoshi was the smart frog and Bob was the dumb one. This was evidenced as we placed the two frogs into a container full of crickets. Yoshi promptly jumped at a cricket, consumed it and climbed out of the container. Bob, on the other hand, jumped at a cricket and smashed his head into the wall. Apparently he has a flat nose as a result of his tendency to do this. It took Bob about 3 times as long to eat a cricket as it did Yoshi. We then had to help Bob out of the container full of crickets, cause apparently he doesn’t know which way is up.

After taking him out of the container, who did he jump to? Yup! You guessed it! I scampered right over to me… or my crotch rather. Apparently like really does attract like.

Here are some pictures Garrett took of Bob molesting me.

Not only does Garrett take pictures of crazy tree frogs molesting his cousin, but he takes some of the most beautiful pictures I’ve ever seen. He has a style that and talent that you just won’t don’t get from your best friend’s digital camera. The best way to explain is by just checking out his work.

I asked him to send me a few of his favorite pictures, many of which are my favorites of his work as well. Here they are! (Click on them to see a larger view.)

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I love the ‘frozen in time’ effect of this picture.

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Below is a couple standing in front of a totally awesome tree.

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Below is a more stylized shot of a bride and groom.

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The last bridal shot, here, is by far my favorite. It gives me warm fuzzies just looking at it.

If you have interest in using Garrett’s mad photography skills for a wedding, a reception, a sporting event, a family photo, school pictures or any other event you can contact him at (801)706-4339 or (801)809-7714. Check out his website to see more samples of his work. Let him know I sent you, and he’ll probably give you a great discount off of his already awesome prices.

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My Brother, The Male Nurse

This weekend the family gathered together at my grandparent’s house for a barbecue. As we sat and conversed upon the lives of all present, I realized that announcing my brother’s current academic pursuits to the fam would likely take some of the heat off of myself.

About a month ago, my brother told me that he had decided to major in nursing. Deep inside I was proud of him. It’s a tough profession based around helping others, and one where men are much needed.

On the surface, however, I couldn’t help but give him a hard time. I mean, my brother is like 6′ 2″ and weighs around 220 lbs. Imagining him, in all of his scruffiness, towering over hoards of petite young ladies in multi-colored scrubs does more than bring a smirk to my face.

Upon my announcement that Nursing was the path that my brother had chosen, the attention of the room quickly shifted from me to him. People started asking questions with the desire to find out more. The family was surprisingly supportive.  It was exactly the reaction I was hoping for.

My brother then glared at me and let me know that he had recently changed his major.  Despite the change of majors, the questions kept a-comin’.  The conversation escalated when my grandma announced, “Oh honey, that’s wonderful that you want to be a nurse.  Which reminds me, I have a magazine I want to give you.”

I quickly responded, “Is it Better Homes & Gardens?”

I still can’t feel my arm…

2 comments.

Humorously Depressing Image of the Day - Day 22 and The NBA Playoffs

Tonight, as we watched game two of the Jazz vs. Rockets playoff series on TNT, my neighbor Jake made an astute observation. TNT does a lot of self promotion during the commercial breaks. For some reason, they choose to promote such shows as The Closer or The House of Payne.Honestly, I remember seeing ads run for The House of Payne during last year’s playoffs, and I was absolutely positive that it wouldn’t last more than 3 or 4 episodes. Surprisingly, the show must have a real following. This means that there are more idiots in our country than I thought (which is a very scary thing to think about).

It just so happened that Jake made his observation after a too-long House of Payne commercial. He announced, “The worst thing about watching the finals on TNT is having to sit through all these stupid commercials. I really don’t want anything to do with rednecks or black people.”

Bravo Jake. Bravo. You said something so inane and unexpected that it made it to my blog. Gold star for you.

On a semi-related note, I think I’d rather watch an Flava’ of Love marathon or get kicked in the junk than watch one episode of House of Payne.

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Dreaming I’m Asleep But Then Waking Up

So, I was supposed to be at a study group this morning at 10:00 am. Instead of being at the study group, I was sound asleep, on top of my girlfriend. Her name is Serta.

It was at about 10:05 that my head shot off my pillow. I had been dreaming. In my dream, I was sleeping. I had slept through my cell phone alarm. My phone was logically upset at my inability to hear its high pitched ringing, and sent me an angry text to reprimand me.

The text (which was sent to me via dream phone) woke me up with a start. If I’m getting a text, something important must be happening!

I grabbed my phone, only to realize that the text was in fact, not real, and that I was already late to my study group.

Thank you imaginary cell phone for waking me up from my sleep in my dream so that I could wake myself up in real life to check my phone for a non-existent text only to realize that I had slept in! I don’t know what I would have done without you.

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The Pressure Is Getting To Me

Sunday, it was nearly 80 degrees. Eighty degrees makes a happy Bags.

Yesterday I grumbled about the snow. It’s not supposed to snow in the middle of April.

This morning, I woke up to 32 degree weather. I did so begrudgingly. Upon arriving to campus, however, I was overcome with the scent of freshly cut grass.

My brain is going to explode if I don’t get some seasonal stability here soon.

Also, you can expect my blog posts to suck for the next few days, as finals are approaching and my ability to think creatively is being squished by a plethora of pressing deadlines, bowel irregularities and yoga classes.

6 comments.

A Weekend For The Record Books

I took last Friday off and spent the long weekend in Las Vegas.  I have been to Vegas many times in my life, but none of those times were as fun, relaxing or unusually unpredictable as this one.  Normally a Vegas vacation involves casinos, inhaling other peoples smoke in casinos, listening to other people gamble in casinos, tactfully avoiding looking at half-naked women in casinos and sleeping in questionably sanitary conditions.  Had you told me before this weekend that the popular side of Vegas (the Strip) was really just the ugly step-sister of the real Vegas, I would have thought you were as insane as an obsessed Carrot Top fan. (Does Carrot Top even have fans?)

The proof, however, is in the pudding.  I spent 3 solid days in Vegas without even stepping on the Strip.  My weekend consisted of amazing food (In-N-Out), amazing music (The Beatles on vinyl), amazing friends, and naps.  I was in bed long before the stroke of midnight every night, and I even got to go to a park, lay out a blanket and sleep under a tree in 80 degree weather.  Now I know you’re jealous.

As great as the trip was, it wasn’t lacking in unfortunate circumstances.  It’s typical that after a near-perfect long weekend that the diarrhea demon would come a-knockin’ on our door.  I think nearly everyone in the car, at one point or another, struggled with a bad case of the runs.  Nothing is worse than sitting in a car with the feeling that you’ve got a family of squirrels jumping around in your stomach in a fight over the last walnut of the season.  It kind of puts a damper on things, while adding an unsolicited dose of excitement to the journey.  Needless to say, I’m glad we’re home.

1 comment.

Three Years = 6 Dozen Donuts

Exactly 3 years ago today, I was on the airplane leaving Santiago, Chile and headed towards the Atlanta Airport where I would see black people for the first time in 2 years, catch a transfer flight to Salt Lake and be smothered in kisses by my mother.

It was a strange feeling to take in on that plane. The last two years full of talking to crazy, half-drunk Chileans, eating more hot dogs and avocados than I though humanly possible, and black boogers resulting from highly polluted air, were over. I sat on that plane with a dozen or so other missionaries wondering what would happen next.

Some of us walked out of that terminal with scholarships waiting for us at prestigious universities for the upcoming semester. Others had their new or old cars waiting for them by the curb. Some would arrive home to girlfriends and get married in a few months time. Others would arrive home to not-girlfriends and still get married in a few months time.

Personally, I arrived home to a happy family, an old ‘87 Honda Civic Hatchback lovingly named “Wicket,” and a girlfriend who had gotten engaged to another man 2 weeks earlier without having the courtesy to inform me. I had little or not direction in my life. Just a pair of worn out shoes, some pimpin’ polyester ties and a newfound sense of freedom.

Ironically enough, exactly 3 years ago today while sitting on my suitcases awaiting the arrival of the rest of my traveling buddies, Elder Callaway (a good friend and one of the senior couple missionaries) pulled me aside and bet me a dozen donuts that I would be married within 6 months of my arrival home.

Welp, Elder Callaway, it’s been 3 years. At a dozen donuts per every 6 months home, I calculate that you owe me 6 dozen donuts… read ‘em and weep!

To those of you who traveled with me on the eve of April 10th, happy 3 year anniversary!

-Elder Bagley

2 comments.