On an unrelated-to-Stephen-Colbert note, I’m starting a two week South Beach Diet in a shameless attempt to loose some poundage before I hit the beaches of Hawaii over New Years.  I’ll attempt to record the misery here on the blarg.  I hope my body doesn’t rebel against me… especially since finals are just around the corner.

Lastly, my Mom is hilarious.  And here’s why:

Over the past few weeks my Mother has been going through a major ordeal of remodeling some of the rooms in her home.  The biggest project thus far has been refinishing a large bookshelf in the den.  The bookshelf takes up an entire wall in the room from the floor to a few feet shy of the vaulted ceiling.  Needless to say, it’s been quite an undertaking involving boxing up hundreds of books, trinkets and everything else that was stored within the confines of those cabinets and shelves.

A few days ago, the doors to the lower cabinets were finally installed, wrapping up the project.  Now the task of restocking the shelves was before her.  Obviously, she wasn’t going to carry dozens of ridiculously heavy boxes of books back into the den by herself, so she solicited my brother’s help via text.

The text read as follows: “I need your body.”

Jason (my brother) obviously knew of her predicament, thereby making this potentially awkward text un-awkward.

Well, my mom didn’t send the text to Jason. She accidentally sent it to the man who had been refinishing the cabinets, Jack.  In a panic, she hacked out a quick text apologizing to him and called my brother.

I can only imagine the look on Jack’s face after the long, drawn out ordeal of getting these shelves finished when he opened his phone to see a text from my mother soliciting his physique.

Awkward. It runs in the family.

Also… feel free to defend me and my cause in the comments section after the article.  I’m farily certain I’m going to receive some fairy significant opposition from the masses.

All of this political hullabaloo just makes me ill. What ever happened to integrity and compromise?

I know nobody is perfect. Everyone has skeletons in their closet, including the McCains and the Obamas. I have learned, especially as of late, that it’s important to forgive people of their faults. It’s a treacherous habit to hold someone’s past against them. Everyone should be given the opportunity to change and improve.

That doesn’t mean I have to vote for them though.

I mean, honestly, since when has democracy been a true false question? What ever happened to the good old multiple choice?

In protest to our broken democratic system of checks and balances, and in support of the UVU Colbert Room, I have designed this t-shirt. One hundred percent of the proceeds will go to the UVU Colbert Room Fund until we reach our goal!

Help me spread the word by throwing a link to the CafePress store on your blog/website. Together we can make a difference… and get a few laughs along the way.

I have decided that I am willing to subject myself to various reader-suggested dares that will result in public ridicule if certain monetary goals are reached. I would obviously post the results of these humiliating experiences on the internets for all to see.

If you have any ideas for outrageous challenges*, along with associated dollar total benchmarks, please leave them in the comments.

Also, if you happen to have $5 laying around, please donate to the cause.

*Nothing illegal… and don’t worry mom, I’m not going to give up my virginity.

My fellow Americans. The time has come to unite under one banner. Let us stand together in one cause, with the determination to make a lasting difference!

The UVU Library’s Stephen Colbert Room Fundraiser has officially been established. You can contribute by clicking here, or by using the MyChipIn app on Facebook.

Every little bit counts, so donate… then tell your friends to donate! Add the MyChipIn Facebook App to your profile. Blog about it… Talk about it… Let’s make America Stephen T. Colbert a part of Utah’s newest university.

Today, I must have been struck by a bolt of lightening or touched by deity. I have had the idea of a lifetime.

This summer, the state college I’ve been attending for the last few years was awarded the status of ‘university.’  Campus has been all aflutter with the excitement and anticipation. What lay in store for us now that Utah Valley State College was invited to sit at the cool lunch table with the other big time universities?  Would we get invited to play in an NCAA conference?  Would we finally get a football team?  Would we start growing hair in strange places?

Even the campus itself has begun to see changes.  New statues and banners grace the halls and walkways and the blue and red rival college shirts worn by students have been exchanged for those of the newly titled Utah Valley University (UVU).

Perhaps the most noticeable change on campus is the new library whose construction was completed only a few weeks ago after over a year of labor and toil. The thing is huge.  It’s 5 stories full of… well.. mostly emptiness because the old library didn’t hold many books.  But now they’re trying to fill the new one with books, and that’s good – especially for our rain forests.  It is in this very library that ‘the idea’ came to me.

One of the cool features of the new library are the study rooms on each floor.  The vast majority of these rooms sport signs next to each door stating that the room ‘has not yet been named yet,’ followed by a name and phone number to contact for naming details.  My buddies and I began to joke about how cool it would be to name a room.  So, I called the number.

As I was suspecting, naming a room requires the ‘donation’ of vast sums of money. (Vast sums = anywhere from $5,000 for a small room to $1,000,000 for a large room.)  The more we thought about it, however, the less money became a deterrent… especially when ‘the idea’ shot forth out of my mouth like the glorious geyser, Old Faithful, shoots out of the crust of the earth.

“Why don’t we name the room after America Stephen Colbert?” I asked.

The question was met with triumphant shouts of approval.

And so, my new life’s quest has been laid out.  As of today, I am taking donations to raise enough money to pay UVU to name a room in their new library after America Stephen Colbert!

Obviously the ultimate goal is to raise a solid $1,000,000… however, I am satisfied with $5,000.  I will be activating an account on donation website soon.  Keep your eyes open for more posts to come.  Please leave any supportive suggestions, comments or ideas in the comments section of this post.

Together we can do this for our children and our children’s children.  Together we can do this for America Stephen Colbert.
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