Have you ever been sexually accosted on the internet? I have. And it was Awkward with a capital ‘A’.
A week or so ago, some girl requested my Facebook friendship (as the girls are wont to do).Â I accepted her humble request, because I never turn down a new member of the Big Bags Entourage.Â I did, however, leave her a nice note informing her that I didn’t think that I had met her previously.Â I continued, letting her know that until she could prove that we had in fact met, that I would not speak with her for my mother taught me not to talk to strangers.
Not two days later, the socially backward psychopath on the other end of the intertubes struck up a conversation with me. (I refuse to refer to this person as a ‘she’ because I would really prefer that it were some sort of sick dude than a sick chica.)Â Said humanoid began the conversation saying that she only added me, “because I thought you were hott.”
Anyone who spells ‘hot’ with two ‘T’s’ is not for me. Period. End of story.
Even though ‘she’ was stupid, I was flattered.Â I mean, come on, even if it was a dude, at least I could assume they thought I was sexy. And who doesn’t like to be sexy?
As we continued our conversation, I began to grow uneasy.Â This ‘girl’ was most definitely not wasting any time on frivolities.Â ‘She’ wanted to get right down to business… and before I knew it, I felt dirty.
I was obliged to immediately delete ‘her’ from my entourage, and begin warning my friends.Â One friend of mine, a girl, said something that amused me after my relating of the above story.Â She said, “Oh. I thought that stuff could only happen to a girl.”
Well, surprize! I guess the joke is on me.Â They say it takes a real man to admit he’s been sexually harassed… and that real man is me. And I’m fairly certain I’m the alone in my awkwardness at this point.
On a brighter note, here’s a song that’s semi-about this experience… written by my good friend Chad. Ok, maybe it’s not about this experience, but it’s about girls on Facebook, and that’s almost the same.Â Kind of like mad cows (disgruntled bovine) and mad cow disease (the fatal illness) are the same. Enjoy.