The tired eyes of a half-crazy, half-terrified Bags...

I realized tonight exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with my life.

I’ve known it for a while now, but I guess I’ve never really sat down and stared the truth in the face. I’ve never taken the time to verbalize my passion and the fear that rides its coattails.

I intimately know the thing gets me fired up. I know what sets my heart ablaze. I know it because I’ve been thinking about it non-stop for almost 2 years. The funny thing? I’m absolutely terrified to follow through with it…

I’m petrified that if I actually create this thing that I’ve been stewing over and fantasizing about all this time, I won’t do it justice. I’m scared that people won’t see value in something I believe so wholly in. I’m tremble at the notion that this thing I hold so close to my heart won’t resonate with people the way it resonates with me.

I’m shaking in my boots… but I know if I don’t follow through, I’ll be a big, fat, walking disappointment to myself.

Tonight, I feel alive, and possibly more mortified than I’ve felt in my entire life. The only solution is to walk straight into the pitch blackness of  anticipation, excitement, raw anxiety and dread with the hope that there is solid ground that can only manifest itself if I plunge head-first into the nightmare.

So, this is what it feels like to be alive…

We are surrounded by countless counterfeits for happiness.

Every day I watch miserable people attempt to deceive themselves into believing they’re happy, and that their current, empty, passionless lives are exactly what they really wanted all along.

They try to convince themselves that they are just lucky to have a job instead of admitting to themselves that they’re too scared to quit and pursue their dreams.

Students try to talk themselves into believing that a college degree will get them farther in life. They pray that further down the road they’ll love their major, or that after they graduate, when they can put stuff into practice in the “real world” it will all have been worth it.

People lie themselves into a fake belief that their ‘meh’ relationship is good enough. Fairy tale relationships just aren’t for everyone. Plus, they’ve found someone who can tolerate them… what’s to say they’re good enough to find someone new if the mediocre situation in which they’re being held captive came to an end?

And there they sit. Miserable.

Living in misery is so easy… but so is living happily.

The trick to the latter is having the guts to make happiness a priority.

As a culture, we have a tendency to view goals, achievements, and milestones in our lives as magical keys that will allow us to unlock the secret portal to happiness.

We have been conditioned to believe that:

• A full time job with benefits will make you happy.
• Getting a college degree will make you happy.
• A new girlfriend or boyfriend (or a husband/wife) will make you happy.

This is a load of crap. These checklist items do not guarantee happiness.

Happiness starts with desire. You must listen to your heart and take note of what resonates with you… That resonance – the burning, passionate feeling you get when you do something you love – that’s happiness.

Don’t, however, confuse happiness with temporary pleasure.

Often times feeling good now at the expense of feeling better later is misinterpreted as happiness. Happiness is not self-indulgence. Happiness is where self-awareness meets self-actualization.

If you need help deciding whether something will provide momentary happiness vs. lasting happiness, follow this simple test:
It doesn’t take much courage to experience pleasure. Temporary pleasure often leads to addiction, depression, and shame. When you look back on moments of temporary pleasure, you will often feel regret and remorse. If you have experienced moments like this… don’t repeat them.

Happiness, on the other hand, will provide a positive sentiment no matter how many times you look back on them. Happiness requires trust (in yourself and often in others), and work, and chance, and the risk of failing. Happiness requires courage.

Don’t fall prey to the constant bombardment of shortcuts, cheat codes, and secret recipes. Have the courage to say no to mediocrity, complacence, and the bland. Have the courage to take ownership of your life and your decisions.

Have the courage to be happy.

More to come on courage… if you like what you read, please subscribe, and leave your thoughts in the comments below!

I finally pulled the trigger, and now here I am, sitting in an apartment in the mountains 10 minutes north of Austin… the city that represents the perfect combination of music, food, dancing, tech, mountains, warmth, youth, and Ron Paul.

If this city wasn’t meant for me, I don’t know where else I belong.

It took a lot of lesson-learning to get here. I learned that you can’t wait on others to make the most of your own life, sometimes you just have to go it alone. Going it alone isn’t bad, as long as you enjoy the company you’re in.

I learned that stuff is just that. Stuff. Moving from Utah to Orlando a year ago took over a week, and well over $2,000. Moving from Orlando to Texas took less than 2 days, and costed the price of 4 tanks of gas (roughly 1/10 of the UT -> FL move). The difference was that I was willing last week to let go of things.

I got rid of objects that I once called “memories.” I got rid of my favorite blue Lay-Z-Boy recliner. It was given to me by my grandparents. I’ve finished more books there than just about anywhere else… but in the end, it’s just a chair.

I got rid of a garbage bag full of ties. Every tie had a story… and sometimes a name. Some of the ties I obtained from the other side of the world from people who sometimes seem like a distant memory, but who shaped my life in a way most people can’t imagine. The people still exist in my heart. I don’t need a strip of fabric to remind myself of the love I have for them.

I got rid of appliances, dishes, stacks of old school binders. Some of the things I dumped I’ve been holding on to for over a decade. In the past when I’ve “started fresh” I’ve been lying. I’ve been lugging my past relationships and memories around with me in the form of stuff. Letting go of that has helped to give me a new lease on life. I have a truly fresh start, a smaller wardrobe, a mobile lifestyle, and a smile.

If you want to make a change in your life, start getting rid of things you don’t need. It will take very little time for you to realize what’s really important in  your life and maybe reveal to you that your focus has been off more than you ever realized.

P.S. This weekend I get to see one of my heros in person for the first time ever, and I can’t be more excited. This post isn’t supposed to be political, but hooray Ron Paul!

Back 2 rows: Jersey Family, Front Row: Wisconsin Couple, Headless Horsemen: Me and Sean

This weekend I led an angry mob of people in a riot at Disney World.

Two hours of standing in a barely-moving line for Splash Mountain provided my friend Sean and me the opportunity to get to know the people around us very well.

We traded jokes with the 40-something Wisconsin couple standing in front of us. They both worked in dentistry. She spent her time in mouths as a hygienist, while he worked in prosthetics. They were at Disney World to see their oldest daughter perform in a band. They gave us tips on what beer to drink at Epcot later that day, and stressed about making their fast-approaching flight.

Then there was the mom with two kids from New Jersey standing behind us. About an hour into the wait, they started playing hand-clapping games that involved counting. I prided myself on throwing them off by yelling out random numbers as they counted. It only took one “F*ck off” for me to know that we were friends. (F*ck off is how people from Jersey say, “I love you.”)

The two blonde moms from Kentucky behind our Jersey friends were quiet at first, but quickly became our biggest advocates as our army of mercenaries began to form…

As the wait-time increased, and the Stand-By line to ride the infamous Mountain of Splash remained at a standstill, we watched the Fast-Passers blaze past us like giddy school children as they literally walked onto the best ride in the Magic Kingdom. The minutes crept by slowly for the rest of us as we watched in agony as hundreds of people literally ran past us.

The rebellion started small, with off-hand, half-joking complaints, and murmurs.

It was at about the 90-minute mark that we began to organize.

We united under the banner of shared injustice that was the unreasonable Disney wait-time! We formulated plans, and elected leaders. With our newfound unity, our complaints were growing more and more audible and impassioned.

Soon, it was decided by our new Splash Mountain Militia that if we had anything to do with it, the Mouse himself was going to receive a very detailed recounting of our concentration camp-like treatment in what was supposed to be known as “The Happiest Place on Earth.”

There was going to be hell to pay!

It started with a simple inquiry as I jumped the barrier that separated the line between the possessors of the FastPass, and the rest of us… aka the Disney 99%. I made it to the front of the FastPass line in mere moments and was promptly asked by the line operators for my FastPass.

“I don’t have one,” I said. “I just have a quick question.”

The young ride operator rolled her eyes.

“I was just wondering,” I continued, “if you’re going to allow the other half of the line to ride today. Is this a FastPass only ride or something?”

“I’m doing my best,” was her only response.

To which I replied, “I understand… I just thought I’d be on the ride about an hour ago, and yet I’m still in line. At this rate, I won’t get to ride for anther hour. It would just be nice if you could remember the rest of us over here.” And I walked away as she pulled out what Mrs. Potato Head would call the Angry Eyes.

When I recounted my conversation to my comrades in arms, the emotions started to flow… and then began the chanting.

It started small with three or four voices.

“Let us ride. Let us ride…”

It began to spread down the line…

“LET US RIDE! LET US RIDE!”

FastPassers began to stop and stare. The ride operators were getting visibly nervous.

The chant spread to the 2-hours-worth of line-standers.

“LET US RIDE! LET US RIDE!”

The chants were echoing off the plaster cave walls of the Briar Patch.

Suddenly, there was room to move forward. We cheered!

Within mere moments we were on the log flume singing with Briar Rabbit and Briar Bear.

We had become champions!

I have never been on a Disney ride with a sense of so much community and unity. The logs that stretched in front and behind us sand and joked and cheered throughout the ride.

I don’t take so much pride in the fact that I was a rabble-rouser on that memorable day as I do at the fact of  how quickly I built a lasting bond and made an unforgettable memory with a group of 10 complete strangers in only a few minutes.

Every day we’re surrounded by strangers. We’re given countless opportunities to make an impact on each others lives. These memories… these moments are what make life worth living.

Next time you find yourself waiting in line, strike up a conversation with the person next to you. You never know, you might end up starting a movement together, and changing the world… or at least enjoying it more than you would alone.

I’ve struggled my whole life with giving “my best.”

I am the kind of person who always looks back in retrospect and wonders if I could have just given a little more. Could I have studied an extra 15 minutes and pushed that A- to an A? Could I have trained a little harder and won the race instead of coming in second? Could I have tried just a little bit harder in that relationship to be more selfless and make things work, rather than ending things yet again?

I’ve seen my life as a series of almost successes. In my eyes, I’ve been consistently good at a lot of things, but only rarely have I actually achieved greatness.

I’ve always thought that if I were to consistently give “my best,” I would be consistently basking in greatness.

It wasn’t until this week when I finished the book The Four Agreements that I realized something: Your “best” cannot be, nor has it ever been, consistent. Allow me to explain:

Every day we are presented with new challenges and obstacles. We have unique interactions with different people. We finish old things. We start new things. The weather changes. Our health changes. And sometimes our mind changes. Doing our best is conditional on all of this constant change (and many other factors).

Giving your best today, and giving your best tomorrow might bring you two very different results, because life deals you a unique hand of cards every single day.

Realizing this has been a huge paradigm shift for me. A burden has been lifted off my shoulders.  Realizing that it’s ok to fall short of my own idealistic expectations, because sometimes, well, life just isn’t idealistic… that’s a new concept for me. It’s a marvelous concept.

It means I can forgive myself when I fall short.

What is important is that we try every day to be better, and to deal with all of the craziness of life the best way we know how.

Sometimes we’re going to get mad and hurt people we love. That’s ok. We can apologize, mend the bridges, and move on.

Sometimes we don’t put in an honest day’s work because we lose focus or ambition. That’s ok. Life is full of distractions. Tomorrow we can re-commit, and re-focus.

Life isn’t meant to be a giant disappointment. Life is meant to be lived. And if we’re constantly dwelling on the past, being consumed with guilt and regret, the future has no value, and the present isn’t at all the gift it’s meant to be.

My challenge for you (and myself)? Let go. Stop living in the past. Stop comparing your old self to your current self. Do your best in the now, embrace the future as it comes, and let the past fizzle and die where it belongs… in the past, not here and certainly not now.

West Coast life is so much different than East Coast life.

Ok, I take it back. Florida doesn’t really count as East Coast. I think it’s in a category of its own. A very unique, touristy, humid, old-people category.

This is the first time I’ve ever really spent a lot of time in this city. It’s helping to get my gears grinding and my creative juices flowing. I can see why so many of my friends have moved here. It’s a place that embraces everybody because of their diversity.

I’m very excited for the next few days.

I’ve needed the California air for too long now.

40″ HDTV (Sony Bravia)

Blueray Player

Twin Bed

Lay-Z-Boy Recliner

Office Chair

Movie Posters with Frames

Vacuum

Reading and/or Desk Lamps

Blender

George Foreman Grill

Toaster

Bookcase

Stainless Steel Pots and Pans

12-speed Bike

Couch and Loveseat

Longboard

Chest of Drawers

IKEA Night Stand

Kitchen Table

The thing I’m quickly realizing is how much more enjoyable life becomes when you get to share the things you love with the people you love. Even the things you thought you didn’t enjoy much can become awesome when you’re sharing them. I’ve been living alone for nearly 11 months. I’ve never lived alone in my life before my venture to Orlando. This is the first time that I’ve experienced the complete independence, as well as the solitude and loneliness of living on my own.

It is important to do great things with your life. It’s important to follow your dreams, and stretch to achieve your goals. However, having my family here has made me realized how how important it is to surround yourself with the people you care about most, and do the things that truly resonate with you.

If you’re feeling stuck, or alone, or unmotivated, maybe you are like me, and you’re just suffering from a lack of being surrounded by people who love you and inspire you. If that’s the case… change something. Life’s too short not to.

I never realized how much anxiety I was experiencing on a regular basis due to the mere fact that I knew I had to wake up and be at work at 8:00 every day. There were times when I found myself “in the zone” on a fun project, or deep in a meaningful conversation, or even just out having fun when the wall of dread would press down on my chest and shoulders.

“You have to be back at work in 7 hours. You’re going to dread the alarm clock tomorrow.”

The biggest difference I’ve noticed in myself is that the dead weight that I felt like I was carrying around is gone… and I’m not even getting more sleep. Just better sleep. Anxiety-free sleep.

My morning routine now consists of the following:

• Wake up (around 8:30 am)
• Cook a good breakfast (8:45 – 9:15 am)
• Exercise (9:15 – 10:30 am)

By the time I hit 10:30, I feel amazing, and I can tackle the upcoming hours with a fresh mind, and a bit of Christmas morning-esque excitement.

I may not have an guaranteed income right now, but I’d trade money for peace of mind any day, now that I’ve experienced it.