Here’s what sucks about dating: Sometimes when you think your done playing the game, you get a rude slap in the face end up having to start all over. Only you you have to start the game without any balls, because you traded them in for your last relationship.

Dating is the most complicated game ever, but mostly because it’s impossible to win. The game requires one to exert some sort of effort to score points (not that the points matter) on the other team. I can’t remember the last time I worried about being edgy, impressive, or just not farting. How am I supposed to trick some unsuspecting girl into going on dates with me if I can’t even remember how to initiate the flirting process (or pinch my cheeks)? Oh man, I’m so screwed.

What’s worse is that girls are so dang confusing. Honestly, it’s worse than fishing… and I hate fishing. I never pick the right bait. I always get my line stuck in some tree, the rocks, or someone’s face. Then, after finally getting the line in the water, I sit. I sit and I sit and I sit some more. When I see that line go taught, I yank and reel for all it’s worth. Nearly every time, my hook comes back baitless and fishless. Those damn fish play me like a tambourine. They beat me till everyone is just plain sick of hearing about it.

Internet, is it worth it? I see all these happy couples prancing around my little college town. They coordinate their outfits, hold hands and push their strollers on the sidewalks and through the malls and talk in gooey baby voices to each other. Is that what I want? Are they really happy? Where are all the normal, low maintenance girls who like just want to have fun like the song says? Is it worth all of this nonsensical game playing? If so, where can I get me a good pair of brass ones so I can back into the swing of things?

Also, do you want to cuddle? I do.