Gym Class

Posted:
February 1, 2009
Comments:
10

Gym Class

heart-monitorI went home to visit my family this weekend.  While home I had the unique opportunity to take my 14-year-old sister out to dinner. My wildest dreams had come true.

As we waited in line at the Cafe Rio near my home, I noticed multiple people giving me an odd look.  It was that disgusted look you give a that creepy old guy who illegally dates vulnerable teenage girls.  Since deep down in side my heart of hears I know that I am not that guy, I paid them no heed and tried to pay attention to all that my sister was talking about… which basically consisted of boys and how she embarrasses herself in front of them.

We quickly found ourselves on the topic of gym class, because what’s more embarrassing than sweating in front of a boy, right? (Heaven forbid a boy realize you glisten a little when you physically exert yourself.)

Apparently at my sister’s middle school, they have implemented a new grading method for gym class. The basis of the new student analysis consists of each student wearing a heart monitor on the days where they do cardio. Each student’s grade is completely dependent on how fast they can get their hearts to beat. Sounds absolutely miserable, but fair, right?

WRONG!

According to lil’ sis, there are a handful of cross country runners in her class.  These wiry little demons could sprint for an hour straight and still not be winded.  They are the same kids who eat an entire cow for lunch, but look like the Olsen twins by 3:00 right before they run around the state border.  Each of these ridiculously fit kids is failing gym because they can’t get their heart rates high enough to pass.

That’s more messed up than Mick Jagger teaching abstinence in a sex education class.

All I can say is that I’m glad that I made it through middle school back in the day when my grade depended on my lesbian, olympic softball playing gym teacher’s observations of my sweaty brow, and not technology.

  • http://kellinicolephoto.blogspot.com Kelli

    MY middle school teacher was a lesbian softball player too. Freaky.

  • Rach

    My teacher was just a lesbian. No softball. Why is that exactly…?

  • http://www.whybatmanisbetterthansuperman.blogspot.com Jeffe

    um… not to jump on the band wagon.. but so was mine. damn i jumped. but it is still true, and so was Kel’s even down to the softball. interesting coincedence.

  • http://re-viewingtheworld.blogspot.com grant

    my hs gym teacher required us to meet a seemingly arbitrary standard (long jump, mile, # of pull ups in a minute, etc…) depending solely on your sex. i only qualified for an A in one category — # of sit ups in a minute. so yeah, i had to write a written report on physical fitness and help at a wrestling meet in order to boost my grade. my gym teacher WAS the long distance coach; maybe THAT was my prob.

  • Lindsey

    My high school gym teacher was arrested about 5 years later for charges of child porn…I think I’d have preferred a lesbian softball player.

  • Lana

    If you have sex, you’ll get chlamydia and die. I’m just saying….

  • Danny

    I’m glad someone quote “Mean Girls.” That is probably my favorite quote in the whole world.

    And yes, my gym teacher was a lesbian. The other one was deported.

  • Josh

    I had a lesbian Gym teacher well rumored to be anyway. but if she wasn’t why couldn’t she go in the girls locker room?

  • http://tracilyns.wordpress.com traci

    @grant my jr high pe class was graded on ability too. needless to say, i think i barely got a c in that class. in high school, however, you were graded on attendance and participation. my sophomore year pe teacher was a happily married man that was seriously addicted to caffeine. and the boys’ pe teacher was always drunk. always. and verbally abusive. i think he eventually got fired.

  • http://lonesurvivorofthealps.blogspot.com/ Bryce

    I’m wiping the tears (of joy) from my eyes. I’ve taught (albeit as a substitute) many a gym classes and, I too, was shocked at the heart monitors. Not only do they look like fools with it strapped around their chests, but apparently they don’t work. You captured it perfectly…
    Loves the softball reference, reminds me of in “Whats Happens in Vegas” when Ashton’s lawyer/friend says, “This is my lesbian sister. Go ahead, tell them about your softball game.” Perfect…

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