It’s been a while since I’ve done an “I’d Rather” post. I figure now is as good a time as any, especially since I have a fun topic.

Here is a list of things that I would rather peel the dead skin off of, other than my back or face:

• I’d rather peel the dead skin off of a cantaloupe. Now, you are probably thinking that this is not a significant “I’d Rather” statement. However, you did not stop to take into consideration the fact that I am allergic to melons (the plant kind). Now it makes more sense, doesn’t it?
• I’d rather peel the dead skin off of a hobo… regardless of their commonly poor personal hygiene.
• I’d rather peel the skin off of a zombie. I mean, come on, their skin is already falling off anyway, right?
• I’d rather peel the skin off of the Mid to Late 1981 Japanese promo lp by ABBA entitled ‘Slipping Through My Fingers,’ despite it’s unusual collectibility and resale value. (Do people really listen to ABBA?)
• I’d rather peel the skin off of your feet. Ew.
• I’d rather peel the skin off of the wretched chicken sandwich I got from Crapplebee’s a few weeks ago… as long as I had gloves on.

Feel free to add anything you’d like to peel the skin off of to this list in the comments.

On a side note, Applebee’s called back today. They left me a voicemail. I will be calling them back tomorrow. You can expect a full and detailed report of my findings. Who knows, maybe they’ll give me free Key Lime Pie Poop!