Soggy Shoulders Empty Arms Syndrome (SSEAS)

I’m a firm believer in the existence of Soggy Shoulders Empty Arms Syndrome (SSEAS). This very serious disease is predicated upon the fact that many nice guys find themselves consistently thrust into the friend zone by women they could very easily have a romantic interest in. These girls then proceed to use the now helpless man-friend as a self esteem trampoline. They only come for a visit when they’re down and need a boost.

Normally the conversation starts off with a line like, “ARGH! Why are guys so dumb/such jerks/so confusing?” Other times, we just skip right to the tears. One way or another, though, the tears will come come… it’s just a matter of time.

Mr. Nice Guy is then permitted to put his arm around Ms. ‘Just Friends’, as he comforts her while carefully reinstating her self worth and confidence. Most times he reassures her of how great and beautiful she is, and how most guys don’t deserve a girl like her. He encourages her to go for someone who would treat her right (like, you know, someone who would put his arm around her when she’s not doing well to dry her tears, carefully reinstating her self worth and confidence…) like she deserves.

Ninety percent of the time, she leaves with a smile, dry eyes and is back with her craptastic ex-boyfriend within days… and she’s “happy as ever,” thus leaving Mr. Nice Guy with soggy shoulders and empty arms… and that’s where the name comes from, in case you hadn’t figured it out yet.

Does anyone else see a problem with this?

This hasn’t happened to me recently, but I am a firm believer that it’s very common for women to talk about what they ‘want’ in a man while simultaneously not giving that type a man a snowball’s chance in hell at dating them.

Guys get a lot of flack for being shallow and superficial when many girls are just as shallow and superficial… or even more so. It’s sad… and quite ironic. What ever happened to the real love where people recognized the good in each other and try to foster qualities that endure the test of time?

I think this quote sums it up pretty well: “All she wants is your money, and all you want is her body. What has love become?”

-Bags, sympathiser of the ‘old school’ love.

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http://erinjarvis.com Erin The Great

So out of morbid curiosity… What are your thoughts on guys who throw themselves in the friend zone?
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Erin,

It’s probably because the girl is a whack-a-doo.

-Bags
http://batiffanis.blogspot.com Tiffy

I suppose if it isn’t obvious from your observances, most women have an agenda to meet in dating. This can include timing of relationships, what type of guy she dates (i.e. looks, dress, activities, income, intellect, humor etc.), and how much drama she can extract for said relationship to top her friend’s stories. Sorry to say it, but most girls follow this outline. Nice guys usually do not even fit into a category on this list, hence the extremely hard time nice guys have in the dating scene. Have no fear, there are some ladies out there that are not this shallow and actually want to be treated like they’re worth something.

For those girls who do not follow this outline- I suggest you fill the arms of Sir Nathan.
Viggo Mortensen

This is truth and you are wise for figuring it out early. Three tips for attracting the women:

1. nice shoes
2. tell them you are pre-med
3. long hair/tattoo/some sort of bad boy vibe
4. ignore them until they think they want you
5. never tell them about your star wars fetish

I don’t know if this method will generate long term relationships, however.
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I knew it was the shoes!
LC

Take advantage of seeing Ms. Just Friends for who she really is, and learn from it. Now you know what you don’t want in a girlfriend.
Cat

You are a member of an elite group of men who are few and far between. Discouraging as it may seem now, it is a gift that your daughters will cherish about you. Think of your time now as practice for the future where membership in the SSEAS will change to simply SSS(Soggy Shoulders Society)and be one of your most treasured traits, born of the “old school love” and “forever looking for and finding the good in each other”. As for now, rather than looking at what this gift isn’t doing for you, consider what it is about you that prevents you from expanding a relationship into a more meaningful and commited experinece. Perhaps seeing yourself thru other people’s eyes would give a new perspective. What is it about me that I need to change to become the kind of person that attracts the kind of woman I want? Do I want to be with a woman who would be attracted by a “Craptastic” kind of man? (love the word btw)Till then, it’s not so bad being a stellar, card carrying member of the SSEAS society. Girls really do appreciate you, more than they will say.
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Cat,

You rock my socks.
http://twitter.com/rianf Rian Fowler

Just remember that you become who you surround yourself with. With that in mind, I say stay away from crazy people that whine about their unhealthy relationships instead of doing something about them.

If you’re not getting anything out of the friendship (i.e. mutual respect), then you’re just getting used.
Scott

Thank you Copeland for the wonderful ending quote.
Bags, the sad thing is, I can’t even contract the SSEAS disease. Instead of using me, they use my couch to text the entire time completely ignoring me. I believe it is called the Second Best To Text virus.