Terrified
The tired eyes of a half-crazy, half-terrified Bags...
I realized tonight exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with my life.
I’ve known it for a while now, but I guess I’ve never really sat down and stared the truth in the face. I’ve never taken the time to verbalize my passion and the fear that rides its coattails.
I intimately know the thing gets me fired up. I know what sets my heart ablaze. I know it because I’ve been thinking about it non-stop for almost 2 years. The funny thing? I’m absolutely terrified to follow through with it…
I’m petrified that if I actually create this thing that I’ve been stewing over and fantasizing about all this time, I won’t do it justice. I’m scared that people won’t see value in something I believe so wholly in. I’m tremble at the notion that this thing I hold so close to my heart won’t resonate with people the way it resonates with me.
I’m shaking in my boots… but I know if I don’t follow through, I’ll be a big, fat, walking disappointment to myself.
Tonight, I feel alive, and possibly more mortified than I’ve felt in my entire life. The only solution is to walk straight into the pitch blackness of anticipation, excitement, raw anxiety and dread with the hope that there is solid ground that can only manifest itself if I plunge head-first into the nightmare.
So, this is what it feels like to be alive…
Thanks to my new friend Michelle for pushing me through a tough discussion, and being willing to listen. And thanks to Amber for always always always being the crazy voice that pushes me to be one of the crazy ones.
My Dad's favorite song- "The Impossible Dream". Go and live your impossible dream Nate! You can do it!
WHAT IS IT?
Kid, I think you're brilliant. Let the faith some of us have in you keep you going while you find the solid ground under your feet. Someone wise recently said to me, "Just remember, be true to yourself, be present, consistent, and honest, and you'll do just fine. The rest is just details." Oh, wait. That was you.
You'll see soon enough.
the anticipation is killing me
”True to your heart
You must be true to your heart
That's when the heavens will part
And, baby, shower you with my love”
No more postponing, your dreams of drag-queen roof-top performances will haunt you until you finally give it a good try. We support you.
Can't wait man. Expect a phone call.
You're brilliant and will do incredible things. But I won't lie, the stache terrifies me a little…