When I woke up this morning, I was excited. It’s Friday. I love Fridays. I love them so hard.

I was out of bed, showered and out the door early enough that I was going to be a solid 5 minutes early to work. That meant there was no reason to speed on the freeway. I could just sit back and enjoy some good tunes, and maybe chat it up with my boss before getting started with my day.

As I approached my freeway exit in American Fork, however, I received a solid smack in the face. I have never experienced a sense so strong that it completely overwhelmed other senses, but the smell that entered my olfactory glands was so overpoweringly putrid that it literally felt like a baseball bat to the teeth.

I winced in pain as my brain went into overload.

I pulled into my office hoping that the smell would diminish after going inside. It did, until someone else decided to enter the building. Normally, I love my seat next to the door. I can’t get enough of the sunshine and the occasional breeze as people come and go. Today, however, I did not feel the same. I think I only inhaled 3 times between the hours of 8:00 and 10:00 am.

Typically, after holding your breath for so long your body would begin to fight your compulsion to hold in the air and make you breathe in. In this case, my body did the opposite. It literally opposed my will to breathe.

“Don’t make me inhale again!” It screamed as I tried to provide my brain with enough oxygen to keep me alive for another few minutes. It was as if someone had shoved my head into the very anus of Satan himself after eating at a cheap all you can eat Indian buffet.

Whoever is responsible for the absolute foulness that was allowed to be sprayed upon my place of employ like a skunk from the underworld should be shot, hanged, shot again and then incinerated.

American Fork… I hate your poop farm.