For the last two months, I have lived alone in my enormous four bedroom apartment. One roommate was only home to sleep on the weekends. The other two (the Asians) are visiting their families for the summer, but kept their contracts so as not to lose them. Needless to say, it has been a very quiet and lonely two months. It has also, however, been very clean. Yesterday, upon opening my door, I was surprised to enter into a boisterous and lively dwelling space. I have a new roommate! I ran to the back of my apartment yelping with joy! I was no longer alone in the world. As I rounded the corner of the room from whence the welcome noise was being emitted, I saw him. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, but I have been praying for an American roomie for a few months now… not one who wanted to be American. To my surprise, the landlords graced me with my third and final Asian roomie.
I don’t want you to get me wrong. I’m not a racist… I’m actually kind of glad. A whole new world of opportunity has been opened up before me. I get to experience a new culture, a new social scene, and many new smells. If living with one Asian is good, living with three should have incredible perks. Rather than just spell them out to you, I have decided to go ahead and make a top ten list of why it’s cool to have an Asian roommate.
10) You will never need a study group for my math classes. Your roomies should have all the answers.
9) If you ever throw a party, you’ll get your pick of the women, because as Hollywood so accurately teaches… the Asians never get the girl. (see: Jackie Chan, Chow Yun-Fat and Cheech and Chong… they were Asian, right?)
8 ) You’ll never have to carry a camera.
7) You will definitely be the least likely to get into a car accident.
6) You’ll be the tallest person in the apartment.
5) You can belch after eating, and it’s acceptable.
4) If you fart, and you have guests, you can just blame it on the Kimchi.
3) I always wanted to know how to drift.
2) They are rearry rearry sirry.
1) You can pick up on mad ninja skills!
I saved number 1 for last because I had to expound on it. I have decided that if I end up sticking around in this apartment, I’ll be calling myself the “Great White Ninja” and will be learning all I can from my stealthy roomies about their secret moves and death grips. Before you know it, the Great White Ninja will have snuck up on you and dealt you your last blow!
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