mc-hammerThe MC Hammer/Vanilla Ice concert was tonight. I didn’t go. To be honest, I didn’t want to go. Some may think I’m all sorts of crazy for not attending, but really, I think I’m genius.  I mean, the two of them together barely have as much talent as a half eaten Oreo.  As a matter of fact, given a choice between the two (Vanilla Hammer and an Oreo) I’d pick the Oreo.

For some reason, the latest trends in our society are based off of resurrecting the trends that we wish had never happened over the past decade.  Stretch pants, the color ‘hot pink’ (trust me, there’s nothing hot about it) economic recession, and the Ninja Rap.

Why are we doing this to ourselves?  Can’t we as a nation just leave the skeletons of bad decisions past rot in the closet?  The Germans don’t reenact WWII to remind us of what a stupid idea it was. The Brits aren’t trying to resurrect the trend called slavery. Why do we insist on digging up the one decade that should have been buried, then had cement poured on it, then placed in a large box, then dropped into the ocean, then blown up?

Hammer pants were never cool.

Huge teased bangs and leggings were never hot.

Anyone who thinks otherwise is dumb, in denial, or one of those lousy opinionless people who follows trends for no other reason than because someone else is doing it.

So, to make up for my missing out on an evening full of audio-torture by washed up has-beens who never were, I give you this tender reminder to respect your mother, respect Mr. T, and to, “Be somebody!”

Chris Hooley is my hero. He is the holy father of the internet.